Keepsake Box

I've talked about looking at the pictures of Madeline in her keepsake box, but that first day I couldn't look at anything else. About a week later I was able to look at everything. It was still hard and overwhelming, but it was good to finally see it all. It also let me get another good cry out.

Madeline's keepsake box

Under the pictures was a "birth certificate" from the hospital. It had all of her stats, time of birth and delivering doctor.  On the back were her footprints. Under that was the card that would have been on her bassinet in the hospital saying "It's a Girl" with our names and "Baby Girl Browne." In a couple of the pictures Madeline was holding a necklace that said "Mommy" with some pink stones. The necklace was in the box. There was also a dress very similar to the one she had been wearing. It wasn't the same one. My hope is that she'll be buried in the one we saw her in. There was also a tiny white hat and another smaller outfit.  That one would have been too small for her.  My guess is that these boxes are pre-packed with whatever they may need.  Madeline was pretty long for her age.

Under the clothes were hospital bracelets that would have been used for me and for her with our information. There was also a paper tape measure so we could see how long 11.5 inches is.  There was also a card about the memory box itself and who provided it along with some resources for dealing with grief.  Another card you could mail to stop receiving advertisements about baby products in the mail.  Below that was card with a silver heart on a ribbon that said, "You will always be in my heart."  There was also a card that could have held a lock of hair (she only had a little fuzz when she was born). At the very bottom was a booklet that was designed to be a grief journal. There were quotes on all the pages that made me cry even more. I had started so I just powered through so I could get it over with. I'm glad they provided it though. I've been using this blog to help me work through my grief and keep a record of that time and now, but I know that's not for everyone.

Once I made it through the booklet I was done. I had looked at it all. It was hard and afterwards I laid on the bed with Madeline's bear and blanket for a while and cried. But it was a good release. I needed to let it all out.

Madeline's bear

I decided to use this box to store everything about our daughter so it would all be in one place. I had gotten a few Mother's Day cards in May, they went in the box. All of her ultrasound pictures went in. I got a couple cards and flowers with cards while I was in the hospital. In they went. All of the cards and letters we had received since she was born went in too. It's a testament to how lucky we (and Madeline) are to be loved by so many people that I'm going to have to find another box to keep everything together. The box from the hospital isn't big enough anymore. I also plan to print out all of the electronic condolences and support we have received just so I can see it all at once if I want to. I'm also going to add the CD of all the pictures taken at the hospital that I got in the mail about a week ago.

For now the box will still live on the shelf in the closet of the small bedroom. Eventually it will move to our bedroom because hopefully someday that room will be a nursery again. Right now it's still too hard for me to move it out of that room. It was supposed to be her room and I want everything to stay there for now.

The front flap with Madeline's footprints