So far writing has helped, so I hope that continues as I relive the past few weeks. Thanks for being here internet.
My husband works second shift, 4pm-12am. Because my schedule was flexible as a substitute teacher I've adapted to his schedule and usually go to bed a couple hours after he gets home so we have more time together. On June 13th and 14th my Mom and a close family friend (I call her Mom II) had been in to visit. We'd gone to Shaker Village and done some baby shopping. It was a busy couple days but nothing crazy. I didn't overexert myself. They left in the afternoon. I spent the rest of the day doing a little more shopping (I'd finally given myself permission to do so) and thinking about plans for the weekend and Monday. My 30th birthday was coming up on Monday and since Adam would have to work, we were going to celebrate over the weekend. I wanted to start our registry, go to a nice dinner and see "This Is The End." On Monday his Mom and sister were going to come in and we were going to do some more baby shopping. It's not a glamourous 30th birthday plan, but it's what I wanted. When Adam got home we talked about our plans and watched some Netflix.
A little after 2am I was tired and thought I was gassy (turns out it might have been a contraction) so I decided to take some Gas-X and go to bed. As all pregnant women do, I went to the bathroom before bed. I knew I'd have to get up at least once more during the night, but such is life. As I sat there I knew something was wrong. I apologize now for the graphic nature of this (and future posts). If you don't want to read about blood or the cervix, skip ahead.
The only way I can describe what I felt is like the beginning of a period. I felt a pressure very low. When I looked I was horrified by the amount of blood. I stood up and yelled for Adam. I didn't know what to do. It didn't seem real. This is something I had worried about in the back of my mind from the first time I saw that faint second line on the pregnancy test, and it was happening. I jumped back and forth from thinking rationally, "We need to get to the hospital," and "This can't really be happening." Adam came in and I could see the panic on his face. This really was real and it was bad. He grabbed a pair of my comfy pants and a shirt out of my drawer and gave them to me. The dogs (we have 3) were tucked in for the night so he went and got my car started. I grabbed some towels to sit on, my purse and we were out the door. My doctor's office is at Central Baptist Hospital here in Lexington, so we just headed to the emergency room there. Luckily we don't live far away. Adam had asked if we should call an ambulance, but I figured we'd get there faster on our own. Even though it was 2:30 in the morning, I called my Mom on the way to the hospital. I just needed to hear her voice and know that once we saw someone, if I needed her to come she could hit the road right away. Adam dropped me off at the entrance and went to park the car.
The entry was deserted and there was a man sitting behind the desk. I told him I was 21 weeks pregnant (that day since it was technically Saturday now) and had had a lot of bleeding. He called up and someone from labor and delivery came down to get me. Apparently if you're 19 weeks or under you stay in the emergency room, but if you're over you go up to labor and delivery. The things you learn you never thought you'd have to know. Adam carried my purse and followed as we made the windy trip up to the second floor. I was wheeled into the room right across from the nurse's station. They gave me a gown and told me to change and give them a urine sample, which was difficult considering they didn't want it contaminated with blood. I put my clothes and shoes in the belongings bag provided by the hospital and got into the bed. The doctor on call came in to check me. They flipped a bed pan upside down, had me put my behind on it and the doctor did a vaginal exam.
Once she was done she gave us the news. There wasn't any specific bleeding in my vagina. It was from my cervix opening. I was partially dilated and some of the amniotic sac was actually coming through. This, of course, meant things were not good. She went through several scenarios with us, and I'm so glad she did. We wanted to know best case, but also worst just to lessen the shock a bit. I wasn't having contractions (maybe one at home, but none since we got to the hospital), so that was good news. However, my cervix couldn't stay open. The high risk doctor was coming in in a few hours and she said he would see me and go into more detail, but that I might be a candidate for a cerclage. It's surgery to literally stitch the cervix closed. There were risks, but it was the best option. Worst case was that I would deliver right then and there. She warned us that as this point her lungs wouldn't be developed enough to survive. They started me on magnesium sulfate, antibiotics and put me in the Trendelenburg position (flat on my back with my feet higher than my head) and we waited for the high risk doctor.
Those next few hours are a blur. They had to do the regular registration things, take my insurance card (that will be a whole different post . . . insurance), cleaned me up, inserted a catheter and do all the vital sign checks. My blood pressure was checked every hour since I was on the magnesium sulfate (I'll just call it mag from here on). The mag also made me extremely hot. My face felt like it was on fire. But apparently I was fairly lucky when it comes to reactions to the mag, so I guess that's something. Then the doctor came in.
He told us the mag was to "quiet the uterus." I hadn't had any contractions, so that led him to believe that I wasn't experiencing pre-term labor. Instead I had an incompetent cervix. Basically my cervix thinned and started opening before it was supposed to. It's hard to diagnose and usually you don't know you have a weak cervix until something like this happens. 10 days earlier I'd had the big ultrasound and my cervix looked fine. It was closed and still rigid. But it didn't stay that way. He told us that a cerclage was an option, but we needed to wait until the next day to ensure I didn't have any infection. He wanted to make sure it wasn't an infection in the uterus that caused this, because doing a cerclage if that was the case wouldn't be helpful. It would actually cause more harm. He scheduled and ultrasound for the next morning to check on our baby girl and look at the cervix. At that point we'd make a decision about the cerclage, but he went ahead and reserved the OR.
We called Adam's parents after our talk with the doctor to let them know what was going on. We were in wait and see mode for the rest of the day. Mom got there in the afternoon and Adam's parents and sister came too. I was on a clear liquid diet until midnight when I got nothing to prepare for surgery. I remember thinking that lying on my back wasn't so bad that morning when we got there, but by the afternoon it was rough. Even though the incline wasn't that much, it made a difference in where I felt the pressure of all my weight. The reason I was in the Trendelenburg position was in the hope that gravity would help get the amniotic sac to go back into my uterus. It's something to think about all the advances we've made in medical science, but in some situations we rely on the basics, like gravity (to paraphrase a friend). Adam stayed with me that night in the hospital. Neither one of us got much sleep.
Even though I wanted to scream and cry, I held it in as best I could. I tried to stay calm and not put any extra pressure on my incompetent cervix. It was hard, but I felt like it was about the only thing I could do at this point. They checked my temperature frequently and it stayed normal. That was something in the win column. And when they did a CBC my white count was normal too. I was showing no signs of infection, which was another clue that my diagnosis would be an incompetent cervix. Now we just had to wait for the ultrasound.
Everything indicated that our baby was doing fine. She was moving and kicking up a storm and her heartbeat was strong, in the 140s to 150s each time they checked her. Her movement is one positive thing I can take away from all of this. People kept telling me that the first movements would feel like "butterflies." I thought I had felt her move weeks before, but they were no butterflies. They were pops, and strong. She was just assertive and strong from the beginning (or I missed the "butterflies"). Either way feeling her move and knowing that's what I was feeling was such a comfort. I was also thankful Adam got to feel her. That was something I was worried he would miss out on, but that day in the hospital he was able to feel her punch up at my belly button. While I'm sad, it still gives me comfort to think of that moment.
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