Marker

Yet another thing I never thought I'd have to think about when I found out I was pregnant in February. A marker for our daughter's grave. Madeline was buried yesterday.  I called Wednesday because I knew it would be sometime this week and I wanted to go see her afterwards.  They said it would happen the next morning and told me to call in the afternoon to see what specific plot she was in.

Since I knew when it would happen I started to do some research on a marker.  Last week someone at the cemetery had given me a few recommendations of places to have it made.  I had looked at some that were already there to get an idea of what we might want to put on it.  As much as I didn't want to do it or deal with it, I knew now we needed to.  I looked up their addresses.  Two were in Lexington very close to the cemetery so I decided to stop in after visiting Madeline.

I called yesterday afternoon and they said she had been buried and exactly where in "Babyland" (the section in the cemetery specifically for infants and small children) her grave was.  They told me there would be a flag as well to help find it.  Adam had to go to work and my sister in law was visiting so she offered to go with me.

It was a beautiful day.  We parked off to the side of the section and walked around.  Her grave was easy to find.  It was sad, but it felt good to know where she was and where she would be.  Now I can visit her whenever I want to or need to.  We stopped at Kroger on the way and I found some roses that were very similar to the first flowers Adam ever got me.  I thought they were appropriate.  I laid them on her grave, told her I loved her and we walked back to the car.  I left feeling a jumble of emotions.

After leaving the cemetery we went to the first of the two monument companies.  The gentleman we talked to was nice enough to start.  He immediately pulled out a form and asked what I wanted.  I had no concrete idea.  I had some general ideas, but I've never done this before and never thought I'd have to.  I was bewildered and overwhelmed.  He didn't offer much help.  He gave us a quote and I left feeling even more depressed.  I wasn't happy with what we'd talked about and the experience in general.

Then we went to the second place.  I was dreading it after our experience at the first place.  We walked in and the receptionist took some information before getting someone for us to talk to.  When he walked up front the first thing he said as he held out his hand was, "Ms. Browne you have my condolences."  Already so much better than the first place.  He showed us an example in the show room of the two types of granite we could chose from.  I liked the gray the best.  Then we walked to an office and he pulled out some examples of things they had done in the past so I could get more of an idea of fonts and what to put on it.  He was so understanding and not pushy.  He made me feel at ease.  He worked up a rough sketch for me so I could show it to Adam and we could decide that night.  I felt so much better after we left.

Adam and I talked about it and decided to go with the second place.  We both liked the sketch better and I liked the people better.  The size is determined by the cemetery, 16in x8in.  It will be flush with the ground and made out of gray granite.  It will have her name on two lines at the top followed by her date of birth and death.  It will appear twice to signify that she did live, even if it was for a short time.  There will be two butterflies to the side.  At the very bottom it will say "Beloved daughter of Adam and Amanda."

I went back today to finalize everything and order it.  I met with the same gentleman and he was again very nice.  Next week we'll get a mock up in the mail of what it will look like. If it is all correct we approve it and they get started.  It will be done and installed in 60-90 days.

When I left today it really hit me.  This is the final step.  We actually ordered a marker for our daughter's grave.  There is no more denial. I was upset but also felt a sense of relief.  I had been dreading this so much and at least now it was over.  It will be a pretty marker and when I visit her I can remember how much we loved her.  Knowing where she is and being able to visit has already helped me and I know it will continue to.