Thankful Day 26

Today I'm thankful for Madeline.  I'm thankful for her every day of course, even though I wish things were different, but it's 5 months today to it seemed appropriate to make her my post today.  Focusing on the positive has helped a lot this past month (even the frivolous ones) but I would be lying if I didn't say that Christmas approaching hasn't affected me.  Mostly it's when we talk about gifts.  When people ask me what I want I can't come up with anything because what I want I can't have.  And what I had envisioned wanting (a photography session for example) don't apply anymore.  Hopefully as December starts it'll get easier.  But enough of this, I'm supposed to be focusing on the positive right?

Even though I wish Madeline were with us right now I'm still thankful for the time we got to be with her.  I'm thankful that her entire life she was surrounded by nothing but love (that's not something most people can say as a family friend pointed out to me not long after she was born).  I'm thankful that she gave Adam and I hope for children in the future.  Before we got pregnant with her we both had worries that maybe I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and then make it through the first trimester.  Now we know it's not going to be easy, but we know it can happen so it's likely it will happen again.  I'm also thankful that in the future we will already know about my body's shortcomings and thus be prepared and able to do something about it before it's too late.  I would much rather have Madeline, but I'm thankful that at least we have something good to take away.  I'm thankful that she was able to bring me closer to several people in my life.  I'm thankful we were able to see her and be with her until the end.  I'm thankful we were able to find ourselves in her even though she was so very small.  I'm thankful for the parts of pregnancy I did experience.  I know it was a gift that not everyone can experience and even though the result was not what anyone wanted it's still more than some have ever gotten.  Mostly I'm thankful that Adam and I were able to create such a beautiful little girl.  I sometimes still can't believe it.  It's truly miraculous.  I wish I had her right now (she'd probably be around a month old), but I'm thankful for the time I did get with her.

Butterflies will always make me think of Madeline.  Adam and I released monarchs at our wedding so it seemed appropriate to use one now.