This month's support group was about remembrance. That's due to the fact that October is pregnancy and infant loss month. How appropriate that this is also the month that Madeline should have been born. It was a good meeting, but hard. We've now started the month that I've been dreading. I just need to get through it.
One of the things we talked about to remember our babies was to plant something. This was something I'd been planning on from the beginning. One of my friends and her mom got us a gift card to a local nursery to help pay for whatever we decided to get. We've been wanting to plant a tree in our back yard since we bought this house because there is nothing out there. Some shade would be nice. This seemed like the perfect opportunity. I went to the nursery to look at trees and decided on a red maple called "October Blaze." I thought the name was perfect. They came and planted it today. The symbolism is not lost on me. Now I just have to keep this tree alive. Hopefully that won't be a problem. It's been nice looking out at it when I let the dogs outside. Every time I look at it I'll think of Madeline and what a gift she was.
Another thing we talked about was jewelry. All of the mothers besides me have some sort of jewelry to commemorate their babies. It's all different but lovely. The nice thing about jewelry is that you can have it on you always but it isn't always obvious to others. It can also be a conversation starter if you want to talk about your baby. I've been thinking about getting something but haven't brought myself to decide what I would really want. One of these days I'll decide.
There was a new mother to our group who had lost one of her twins. She brought up something that has been on my mind as well. How to respond when people ask you if/how many children you have. There's part of you that wants to say that you have a child but they died, but there is another part that doesn't want to talk about it. But you never want to deny your child. So what do you do? Luckily this isn't something I've really had to deal with yet. I think the blog has helped me with this issue. I've been so open here that it makes it easier to open in general. But I also haven't had that awkward time of being asked by someone who hasn't seen me in a long time or I just met. I guess I'll just have to wait and see and go with whatever I feel like at the time. Whatever I decide at the time will be right.
We also talked about the Remembrance Walk that will be held at Lexington Cemetery on October 13th. It's something they hold every year. The walk starts around the Henry Clay memorial and goes to Baby Land, the section of the cemetery for babies. This is where Madeline is so we'll get to visit her that day too. Once we all reach Baby Land there is a ceremony of sorts and all of the names of the babies we are remembering that day are read out loud. I don't quite know what to expect, but I think it will be good for me and our family. My parents, Adam's parents and his sister are planning on coming. It will be nice to all be together. Everyone who got to meet her in our family will all be together again to remember her. It will also be nice to see the mothers from the group again. I get a lot out of our monthly meetings so I know it will be helpful to be able to see them more than once this month.
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