It's A . . .

GIRL!

Today (March 13th) I had my 20 week ultrasound with the high risk doctor's practice.  Adam and I have been alternately nervous and excited waiting for this day.  We could bring two other people back with us so both of our Moms came down to be there and see the ultrasound too.

I'm still amazed by the ultrasound techs.  Ours today was very nice (as they always are) and pointed out what she was looking for but without that help a lot of times I would have no idea.  After looking over all the organs and lots of skeleton she and the doctor said everything was looking good.  The baby is breech right now so we were worried we might not be able to find out gender, but in the end she cooperated.  She also kept trying to grab her toes which made it difficult to see all the chambers of her heart so they're going to check that again at my next appointment.  But we did get to hear her strong heartbeat which always makes my day. They also looked at my cervix and it is still closed and long.  At this point it was with Madeline too, but I'll take any good news.  I'm scheduled to go back in a month to check the stitch and my cervix again to make sure it's still looking good.  At that point I'll be further along than I was with Madeline so it'll be a true test to see how my cervix is going to cooperate.  If my cervix does start to open the stitch should keep her in longer and I'll be put on bed rest.  Hopefully it won't come to that, but I feel better knowing there's a plan.  I also feel better knowing they're going to be checking my cervix at my appointments too.  I like to think that I'd notice beginning signs that it might be opening, but I didn't before.  All of a sudden things went from fine to awful.  It makes me feel better to know they'll be checking so hopefully we'll be able to catch if something starts to look wrong and take measures to make it better.

Nobody has really asked me how I would feel if we were having another girl, but I've thought about it a lot since we found out I was pregnant.  After everything we've been through I just want a healthy, happy baby.  Either gender was fine with me.  I could think of pros and cons both ways as far as my emotional health for the rest of the pregnancy.  When they told us during the ultrasound I can honestly say I was happy.  That was my biggest concern.  That I would be so worried about comparing this time to last time I wouldn't let myself be happy.  Luckily that wasn't the case.  We were all happy and excited.  I like that our daughter will be able to use some of the things we'd gotten for her sister.  It will be another way for us to remember her.  We won't be able to do that with everything, but definitely some things.

After the appointment we all went out to eat (my sister-in-law came too even though she couldn't come back to the ultrasound, but I'm glad she was here to share in the good news).  Afterwards Adam had to go to work and the rest of us went out to do a little baby shopping/looking.  I really hadn't been to any baby stores yet, but I felt ready to today.  We didn't really buy much, mainly just looked around and enjoyed the experience.  It was nice to be there and be happy.  I still thought about Madeline while we were in there and compared last time to this time, but it didn't cut me to the core like it used to.

In the evening Mom and I met one of my brothers, his wife, one of his sons and Meme for dinner.  It was nice to see all of them and share the news.  When I told Meme she give me a big smile and her face lit up.  It was nice to see her so happy.

This evening after settling in back home I finally went through the box that had clothes I had bought for Madeline with my Mom.  I'd been putting it off until we knew this baby's gender because I thought it might make it easier.  I think it did.  Looking through the clothes now, I was able to think about them as hand me downs from a big sister to a little sister.  There are a few things that won't be handed down because I associated them especially with Madeline or the size and season won't work, but most of them we'll be able to see this daughter wear.  Going through that box is something I've been dreading and I'm relieved it was better than I had expected.

Overall it has been a wonderful day.  I was excited about knowing, but at the same time had been nervous worrying about what my gut reaction was going to be.  I'm glad that I was able to be positive and let myself be happy.  I've spent a lot of time worrying this pregnancy (and will most likely spend a lot more as August approaches), but today was a day to just be happy.  Our daughter is developing like she should.  I'm healthy and my body is thus far doing what it's supposed to to keep her in.  That's all a win in my book.