21 Weeks Pregnant

March 22

Today I'm 21 weeks pregnant.  I went to the hospital with Madeline at exactly 21 weeks.  It's something that I had been avoiding thinking about, but for the past few days it's been at the forefront of my mind.  I know logically that the odds of something happening at the exact same time with this pregnancy as it did with Madeline are very low,  but emotionally it's hard to separate.  I also have a stitch this time and last time I didn't.  But again, logical thinking and emotional thinking are two separate animals.  I spent a lot of yesterday dreading the night and constantly checking myself to make sure things were OK.

It was very early in the morning when things went bad with Madeline.  Due to my obsessive checking and worrying I didn't sleep well at all last night.  Once it was past 3am I felt a little better.  We went to the hospital with Madeline around 2am.  It's not magic, but in my head it made me feel better to know I'd made it past that point and things were still OK.  Feeling our daughter move was comforting too.  Even though that has no effect on my cervix knowing she was still doing OK helped.

I also know making it past 21 weeks also doesn't mean everything is going to be perfect from here on out.  In fact, I know that until I make it past 22 weeks 4 days I'll still be nervous.  Then after that everything about pregnancy will be brand new and that freaks me out too.  The good thing is that August 2nd is getting closer every day.  Each day we make it through is closer to the goal.  It also helps that in a little over a couple weeks I'll have another ultrasound to check my cervix again.  I'll be over 23 weeks and into new territory.  It will be a truer test to me of what my cervix is going to do.