Making the announcement on the blog went a lot better than I thought for me emotionally. It wasn't as hard to put it out there as I was expecting and the support and love we got in return was overwhelming. Thank you.
I'm starting to feel better. It's more real and I'm OK with it. I was able to bring myself to get my maternity clothes out again. I kept putting it off. Again, it's not going to have an effect on the outcome but it was another hurdle to get my mind over. I'm still no where near ready to think about shopping for baby things or going through the clothes we had for Madeline, but it's a step in the right direction.
I've had a few twinges with the cerclage (like I had right after surgery). I haven't felt anything like that the past couple weeks and now all of a sudden I have. I'm sure it's normal. I'm trying not to worry. If I feel anymore I'll go in to see my doctor. Peace of mind is worth the money.
I had another down week. I'm getting better in general, but as we get closer to 20-22 weeks (I'm 16 now) I can feel my anxiety building again. I know I shouldn't compare everything with this pregnancy to my pregnancy with Madeline but it's hard not to. Nothing thus far indicates we should be worried, but it's hard to get myself to accept that.
I think I felt the baby move (I'm a little over 16 weeks). I know it's still early but they say on a second pregnancy you usually feel movement sooner because you know what it is now. We'll see as the week continues. Maybe I'm just hopeful and it's nothing. But I know it wasn't digestion or gas.
After my March appointment with my OBGYN I really felt the baby kick and move. I've been feeling little flutters for a while, but this time it was much longer and stronger. Since then I've felt more consistent movement. It's not strong enough to feel from the outside yet, but it's comforting. Each time I feel it I feel better.
Being 19 weeks pregnant and getting the flu/stomach virus (not sure which) is no fun. Just throwing that out there. So thankful for my husband who took care of me. I had a scare a couple days after. I'd felt movement consistently from the baby before I got sick, but afterwards I really wasn't feeling anything and then nothing. I tried to tell myself it was OK and I had my 20 week ultrasound in 2 days, but by the early evening I couldn't handle it. If my history was different maybe I wouldn't have been so freaked out, but I was. I called my doctor and asked if they could fit me in so I could just hear the heartbeat. They said of course and worked me in. When I was called back and they looked for the heartbeat the nurse found it immediately, 150, totally healthy and normal. It was such a relief and weight off my chest. So thankful for my doctor who didn't think I was overreacting and was supportive and understanding. By the later evening I felt movement again, another relief.
Now that I'm halfway through I'm starting to feel a bit more like I look pregnant. I never really did with Madeline. My uterus tilts backwards and there's quite a layer of fat to push around so I have that going against me. I still think the average person wouldn't be able to look at me and tell I'm pregnant, but I'm finally able to look at myself and really tell. My fat rolls are starting to become one. ;)
Adam has started talking to the baby every day now. It warms my heart to see him bond with our daughter. He didn't get to do this very long with Madeline but I'm so happy he's started with this baby despite what happened. Hopefully he'll be able to feel her soon too.
22 weeks: Adam felt the baby move for the first time tonight! We've tried several times before but it never worked. I'd felt it from the outside but never while he was with me. But tonight she was really active and I just laid my head in his lap, put his had on my stomach near my belly button (where she kicks/punches the most) and said we were going to wait until he felt something. Not long after I heard him gasp. He looked at me with wide eyes and said, "Is that her?" I smiled and nodded. The look of joy on his face is one of my favorite memories. He felt her many more times while we laid there. It was a good day.
23 weeks: After being dehydrated so badly when I was sick I have been being extra diligent about drinking enough water. This is a good thing. The draw back is that now I truly understand what everyone's been telling me about the constant need for the bathroom. Who knew? (To add to this train of thought at now 26 weeks: now that the baby is bigger she's putting more pressure on my bladder. I now understand the urgency and then disappointment because you know you'll just be back sooner rather than later. Worth the annoyances.)
Around 24 weeks: I started sleeping with my pregnancy pillow. It's like a giant curvy noodle that wraps around your head and goes between your legs and around your back. Adam calls it my "pillow worm." It's not that I need support for my belly at this point (still not really much there) but it keeps me from rolling too far onto my stomach. Baby girl does not appreciate when I do that and lets me know . . . adamantly. It's makes getting out of bed for the inevitable trip to the bathroom a little difficult, but it's worth it to get more sleep in general. Luckily Adam says I haven't taken over the entire bed yet. ;)
Almost 25 weeks: I still don't think it's obvious I'm pregnant, but I'm certainly feeling it. I didn't have very many maternity shirts (for spring/summer) from my pregnancy with Madeline and I'm to the point now that most of my regular shirts are too tight/too short. Since the pediatric cardiologist appointment got postponed Mom and I did some shopping. We got a few more shirts (some are nursing too so they'll be good after the baby is born as well) and a couple dresses. The best part was laughing our heads off when I tried to put the fake belly on. It was ridiculous and brought some levity to the day. So thankful for my Mom, especially the times we have "too much fun."
A little over 25 weeks: We registered this weekend. A shower a family friend is throwing in my hometown is less than 3 weeks away now so we figured it was time. I had been putting it off until we made it past 23 weeks to make it past where we were with Madeline. Again, logically I know it has no effect on this pregnancy, but emotionally it was hard to separate the fact that we were going to register the weekend I went into the hospital with Madeline. I had some anxiety and bad feelings associated with it. But after talking to my counselor and Adam about it I felt better and decided we should just go for it. It was actually better than I thought it was going to be although at times was a bit overwhelming. How are there so many different kinds of bottles? (still haven't registered for any yet) Should you put the high chair you want on there even though you won't be needing it for a while? Do you put something on there that you think is cute/might be useful but if you don't get it you won't mind? (I actually did this a lot) Plus different stores have different perks with their registries (and goodie bags). We ended up registering at Buy Buy Baby and Babies R Us. I was surprised how quickly the list grew.
26 weeks: We went to visit Adam's family over the weekend and his grandmother told me I looked good. She said she wished she had looked as good when she was pregnant. It was so nice because at this point I'm still pretty much feeling like I look fat (still delineation between the rolls . . . no smooth bump yet).
Almost 27 weeks: My comfy pants (yoga pants I guess) officially no longer fit. I can still wear them below the bulge, but it's not very comfortable (they're the kind you roll over . . . that's a lot of material in a small area). What kind of day is it when stretchy comfy pants are no longer comfortable? I was surprised, but at the same time it's good. It means she's growing like she should.
As I reread this getting ready to post it, I'm pleasantly surprised how obvious it is that I'm feeling better about this pregnancy. The first several posts have a lot of anxiety and worry and as time goes on it gets better and happier. I know part of that is getting past where I was with Madeline, but a lot of it is seeing my counselor. It took me far too long to admit I was struggling and not getting better and needed to talk to someone. I can't advocate it enough. It's not a quick fix and it's not all totally better, but overall I'm in a much better place and am better able to recognize when I might be spiraling down again and then do something about it. The tools she's given me are great but also being able to talk to a 3rd party and just vent is amazing (not to mention the insights she's given me about myself).
Adam has started talking to the baby every day now. It warms my heart to see him bond with our daughter. He didn't get to do this very long with Madeline but I'm so happy he's started with this baby despite what happened. Hopefully he'll be able to feel her soon too.
22 weeks: Adam felt the baby move for the first time tonight! We've tried several times before but it never worked. I'd felt it from the outside but never while he was with me. But tonight she was really active and I just laid my head in his lap, put his had on my stomach near my belly button (where she kicks/punches the most) and said we were going to wait until he felt something. Not long after I heard him gasp. He looked at me with wide eyes and said, "Is that her?" I smiled and nodded. The look of joy on his face is one of my favorite memories. He felt her many more times while we laid there. It was a good day.
23 weeks: After being dehydrated so badly when I was sick I have been being extra diligent about drinking enough water. This is a good thing. The draw back is that now I truly understand what everyone's been telling me about the constant need for the bathroom. Who knew? (To add to this train of thought at now 26 weeks: now that the baby is bigger she's putting more pressure on my bladder. I now understand the urgency and then disappointment because you know you'll just be back sooner rather than later. Worth the annoyances.)
Around 24 weeks: I started sleeping with my pregnancy pillow. It's like a giant curvy noodle that wraps around your head and goes between your legs and around your back. Adam calls it my "pillow worm." It's not that I need support for my belly at this point (still not really much there) but it keeps me from rolling too far onto my stomach. Baby girl does not appreciate when I do that and lets me know . . . adamantly. It's makes getting out of bed for the inevitable trip to the bathroom a little difficult, but it's worth it to get more sleep in general. Luckily Adam says I haven't taken over the entire bed yet. ;)
Almost 25 weeks: I still don't think it's obvious I'm pregnant, but I'm certainly feeling it. I didn't have very many maternity shirts (for spring/summer) from my pregnancy with Madeline and I'm to the point now that most of my regular shirts are too tight/too short. Since the pediatric cardiologist appointment got postponed Mom and I did some shopping. We got a few more shirts (some are nursing too so they'll be good after the baby is born as well) and a couple dresses. The best part was laughing our heads off when I tried to put the fake belly on. It was ridiculous and brought some levity to the day. So thankful for my Mom, especially the times we have "too much fun."
A little over 25 weeks: We registered this weekend. A shower a family friend is throwing in my hometown is less than 3 weeks away now so we figured it was time. I had been putting it off until we made it past 23 weeks to make it past where we were with Madeline. Again, logically I know it has no effect on this pregnancy, but emotionally it was hard to separate the fact that we were going to register the weekend I went into the hospital with Madeline. I had some anxiety and bad feelings associated with it. But after talking to my counselor and Adam about it I felt better and decided we should just go for it. It was actually better than I thought it was going to be although at times was a bit overwhelming. How are there so many different kinds of bottles? (still haven't registered for any yet) Should you put the high chair you want on there even though you won't be needing it for a while? Do you put something on there that you think is cute/might be useful but if you don't get it you won't mind? (I actually did this a lot) Plus different stores have different perks with their registries (and goodie bags). We ended up registering at Buy Buy Baby and Babies R Us. I was surprised how quickly the list grew.
26 weeks: We went to visit Adam's family over the weekend and his grandmother told me I looked good. She said she wished she had looked as good when she was pregnant. It was so nice because at this point I'm still pretty much feeling like I look fat (still delineation between the rolls . . . no smooth bump yet).
Almost 27 weeks: My comfy pants (yoga pants I guess) officially no longer fit. I can still wear them below the bulge, but it's not very comfortable (they're the kind you roll over . . . that's a lot of material in a small area). What kind of day is it when stretchy comfy pants are no longer comfortable? I was surprised, but at the same time it's good. It means she's growing like she should.
As I reread this getting ready to post it, I'm pleasantly surprised how obvious it is that I'm feeling better about this pregnancy. The first several posts have a lot of anxiety and worry and as time goes on it gets better and happier. I know part of that is getting past where I was with Madeline, but a lot of it is seeing my counselor. It took me far too long to admit I was struggling and not getting better and needed to talk to someone. I can't advocate it enough. It's not a quick fix and it's not all totally better, but overall I'm in a much better place and am better able to recognize when I might be spiraling down again and then do something about it. The tools she's given me are great but also being able to talk to a 3rd party and just vent is amazing (not to mention the insights she's given me about myself).
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