Regular OBGYN Appointment 2

Mid January

So we went to my second prenatal appointment.  It's just routine so at first Adam wasn't going to come with me, but I had some spotting a couple days ago so he decided to come just in case.  I've been trying to be positive or just live in denial, but I've been preparing for the worst ever since.  It's an awful mindset, but I didn't know how else to cope.  I've been taking the progesterone supplement again and it can cause spotting so that could be all it is, but it's hard to not immediately think of the worst.

We had quite a long wait before the appointment so by the time we were called back we were both even more on edge.  I was just ready to know one way or the other.  The nurse did the usual stuff (weight, blood pressure, etc.) and then pulled out the doppler so we could listen to the baby's heartbeat. I was just at 12 weeks so I knew it might be difficult.  Plus my uterus tilts back which doesn't help.  The first time they tried with Madeline it took forever to find the heartbeat and then they couldn't hold onto it long enough to get an accurate beats per minute.  I ended up going to have an ultrasound to get it.  I knew all of this going in and thought I'd prepared myself mentally for them not to be able to find it right away.  That didn't make it any easier.  Especially with my worries because of the spotting.  The nurse tried for a good 5 minutes and didn't find anything.  Not a blip.  Then my doctor came in and tried for another several and again couldn't find anything.  Needless to say I was on edge and preparing for the worst at this point.  She sent us back for an ultrasound and told us not to worry for all the reasons I listed above.  Easier said than done.

They have a small waiting room next to the ultrasound rooms and we waited there for another 30 minutes or so for them to work us into the regular appointments.  Adam and I just sat there saying nothing.  I couldn't.  I didn't want to believe the worst but at this point it was hard to be positive.  Finally they called us back and I laid on the table.  As soon as the tech brought the baby up on the monitor we saw it move and breathed a sigh of relief.  She then quickly found the heartbeat and let us listen to it for a bit just to ease our minds.  Everything looked good.  I could finally breathe.

We went back to see my doctor afterwards and she said everything looks good with me and the baby.  Just to keep doing what I'm doing and let her know when the high risk doctor scheduled the cerclage.  Hopefully if everything goes well with the surgery I'll go back to only seeing my regular doctor until they need to take the stitch out.

The rest of the day has been a wash.  I didn't sleep well before the appointment because I was worried (also I'm just not sleeping well in general lately) and all of the worry just drained me.  I took a nap and spent the rest of the day cuddled with my animals on the couch not doing anything mentally stimulating.  Glad this day is over and things seem to be good.  If we can get through the first trimester maybe I'll be able to be happy and normal.