Christmas

I'm a jumble of emotions (not that we're surprised).  I'm sad because I wish Madeline was here, I'm trying to be happy because there's a new life growing in me . . . and it just feels like another day.  We decided to tell our families at Christmas because as least if something bad happens we'd at least get some happiness for a time.  Plus a few more good thoughts coming our way can't hurt.  We told my family on Christmas day in various ways since we weren't able to see them.  We told Adam's family the weekend after since we were all getting together.  That was one nice thing.  I've always had this notion/dream/idea of telling everyone we're having a baby at a big family gathering (especially Christmas).  I actually got to live that out.

Aside from telling our families I'm still living in a bit of denial (a bit is putting it lightly).  I'm trying to keep myself emotionally distant to keep possible hurt at bay.  I know logically that really won't help, but it's all my brain can think of to help me deal.  I hope after the cerclage I'll be able to be more positive and outwardly happy.  It's still hard right now.